Dating Your Wife: The Lady Gaga Homework Assignment. Men and women have some very different needs.  It is important to understand the needs of your partner. If your partner is of a different gender, you may think that they have the same reality as you.  You may think that because they are also human.  Don’t be deceived by this type of thinking.  Yes, in some ways your partner shares a similar experience of reality. But in some ways they are quite different.  For example, in the need for dating.

The difference between men and women

Now, there are always a few exceptions to what I’m about to tell you about the difference between men and women.  Sure, sometimes a man has a similar response to what most women do. And sometimes women have a similar response to what most men do.  But here is something that married women frequently complain about. This is something that married men rarely do, but something married women want their man to do.  Married women complain that their husband/boyfriend rarely takes them out on dates anymore. At least, not so much since they were married.  This complaint doesn’t happen in the first year or so, but usually after a couple of years of marriage.

Now what is equally upsetting to women is this.  Women say that they sometimes do go out and the man seems to have nothing to say.  Maybe some men experience that too about their partner.  But those men are not coming into my office to complain, it’s only the women.  Sometimes also, men working with me individually will tell me that their wife told them it’s upsetting that they seem to have nothing to say.

The problem with not dating

These two issues: not dating and having nothing to say, are upsetting to women.  Not because they are crazy or have problems, but because women are different.  They do need dates and they need conversation (yes, there may be some exceptions.   Maybe I’ll finally meet one of these exceptions some day).  So, the takeaway thought here is: dating your wife is important, if you want a happy relationship.

Rather than fighting reality, I usually suggest that the man adapt to reality.  And by doing so, they will keep their woman happy.

For a man reading this, taking action based on reality here would mean:  take your wife out on a date. And then have something to talk about.  You or she may be bored with talking about work.  It may not feel like a date if you’re just talking about the kids.  So, what do you talk about?

What to say

Well, current events could provide a topic.  But if you are a man, out with a women you may want to talk about something that has either emotions or relationships in the topic.  A frequently popular topic that fits the bill is talking about the lives of famous people.  Commonly men don’t seem so interested in this yet women do seem to enjoy this topic.  Yes, there are plenty of exceptions, but in general this seems to be true.

Who’s in the news right now: someone that could have their life or relationship exposed – and maybe someone that does dramatic and sexy things in public?  Well as of the writing of this article: it could be Brad and Angelina – it could even be Jennifer Aniston, or many others.  But a dramatic option could be Lady Gaga.  She’s in the news constantly.  You can find all sorts of information about her on TV, online, in the newspaper and especially in magazines such as People, Us,  or InStyle.

The “Homework”

What I sometimes suggest to men, is to repress their gag reaction, pick up one of those magazines, get some talking points from them about Lady Gaga, and then…try it out on your wife when the conversation lags, or you find yourself with nothing to talk about beyond work or the kids.  This would be a research project – to see what happens if you bring up this kind of topic.

The point here is not to become shallow and materialistic.  The point is to research what works in creating some interesting conversation.  And in this way, you can build some kind of connection with your partner.

If you are a man reading this, you may know this research project is for you if your wife has complained that the two of you no longer have anything to talk about.  Even if she has not made that complaint, it would still be good research.  You can do the research, just to find out what your wife may respond to.  Either way, you can’t lose:  either you find something that she likes, or you find out she doesn’t like talking about famous people in the news.

And that is the Lady Gaga Homework Assignment.  An now you know – why it is important to be dating your wife.

If you want to work with me on the issues of relationship, you can contact me on my website.

Donald Wallach offers couples counseling and individual therapy to those living in Sonoma County and Marin County. He helps clients find solutions to marital problems in their relationship. His office is in Petaluma and serves the surrounding communities including Cotati, Rohnert Park, Novato, Santa Rosa and Penngrove. He enjoys helping others have happier relationships and more fulfilling lives.

If you have any questions about this article, you are welcome to write Don Wallach, LMFT at his website: or call at (707) 583-2305.

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